There are days that I become completely infatuated with other (usually fictional) peoples lives. Take for example my increasing addiction to Netflix. For years I’ve been addicted to plenty of TV worlds including the likes of Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, Grey’s Anatomy, etc.

When will I start living my own life, instead of living in a fantasy world of Netflix. When will I start living in my own fantastically intriguing world? Why can’t I have a life worth sharing?

The answer is it can be. If I want it to be. When I decide that I’m worthy of creating a blissful, happy life.

There’s also this awful side-effect of social media that looms around me constantly. I’m repeatedly seeing happy post from ‘successful’ people online. Flaunting their carefully curated lives for me. Always seeing the good, never seeing the bad. Online personas used to be exactly that…only online. But, to me, I’m constantly seeing regular people, like myself, trying to mold themselves into these cookie cutter shapes in real life.

I honestly can’t tell if anyone is being authentic with me anymore. Is she really always this happy? How many times has she actually felt #blessed today? Did she really decide to just randomly take a road trip somewhere for the fun of it, or was it just for the Instagram likes?

For example, today I posted a picture on Instagram. It only received 7 likes, but it was important for me to share. It was a picture of a baby cucumber. The first one to grow in my garden. A milestone even. But it only received 7 likes. Is it a good enough picture to leave on the internet? It doesn’t technically match my theme, and if people saw that picture first would they still follow me?

I have these internal battle with myself everyday, and everyday I just want to scream at myself for it. That tiny cucumber picture was good enough for me 3 hours ago, why isn’t it good enough for me now that the public opinion of it is less than stellar.

It sucks.

I know it sounds crazy, but I want to create this empire, so to speak. An empire where people can freely express themselves, instead of worrying about what some anonymous person thinks. An empire where creativity and quirks are celebrated. An empire where just a shy girl can make an impact and inspire people.